Since I’ve written a bunch of books about Swinging, I thought it would be fair to my readers and also to anyone else interested to tell a bit about my own journey into this wonderful, exciting world that I’ve made with my husband.
First of all, I need to confess something- I really don’t like the term ‘Swinging’. Okay, okay, it’s better than other terms that were used in the past, such as ‘Wife Swapping’ (ugh… how misogynist and paternalistic). For me, I prefer the term Michael and Holli use in their radio program ‘Live Sexy!’ At any rate, ‘Lifestyle’, ‘Live Sexy’, or ‘Swinging’ to me all describe the fun a committed couple has with each other in an erotic environment. Does that include having sex with others? Sure, but it’s not a requirement; that depends upon what you want…
Okay, so how the heck did I get involved in the Lifestyle?
The short answer is my husband Spike asked me. A few years ago, New Year’s Eve was coming up, and I wanted to go out to a club to celebrate.
In the course of our relationship, I had dabbled in the BDSM community (this is way before 50 Shades). While I liked going—the passion and eroticism was great, I also wouldn’t have minded being able to dance. Club music and BDSM… not so much outside of a scene in a dungeon, but that’s another story.
So when we were talking about New Year’s Eve, he said, “Well, you enjoyed those BDSM parties… what would you think of a night out that has the same, if not more, sexy atmosphere with dancing too?”
“Sounds too good to be true.”
He didn’t say anything. “Okay,” I said, “I’ll bite. What do you have in mind?”
“We could go to a Swinger’s club for New Year’s. It’s one of their biggest party nights.”
A Swinger’s Club? Is he kidding? A sleazy, club that’d I’d be expected to HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS?
“Are you out of your mind?” I said. “What’s the matter—our sex life’s not good enough for you anymore?”
Let’s look at that comment I just made again. It’s important, and it’s at the heart of any woman’s resistance to the idea of going to a Swinger’s Club.
What’s the matter, you’re not attracted to me? You want my permission to fuck someone else? Am I fat? In a heartbeat, a freaking split second, right after he asked me that question, I was feeling very insecure. About me, and more importantly, about us.
A dead silence hung in the air. I was working up a good mad.
Looking back, and looking how I’m trying to develop a career, I can’t help but laugh. Now, I mean. I wasn’t laughing then, believe me.
Spike did have some knowledge of The Lifestyle. And his next words started to calm me down, and got me to listen to him.
“Our sex life is great,” he said. “And I’m not looking to go there to get laid.”
“Then why in the world did you suggest it?”
“Because you said you’d like to go to a club that’s sexy. There’s basically one rule in Swinging, you know. And it’s that the women call the shots.”
“Yeah, right!” I had an image of a woman being dragged; coerced to go to a club by a controlling, domineering husband.
But… Spike wasn’t that way with me. Not in the slightest. He enjoyed me, he looked after and out for me. One aspect of our relationship from the beginning was we became pretty adept at having one another’s back.
It gave me pause. “So, are you telling me that it’s the women at these places that decide if there’s going to be any…”
He smirked. “Hanky panky.”
“Yeah. The women decide?”
He nodded. “Pretty much. The uterus rules at these places.”
He has such a way with words. He made me a deal—if I didn’t like it, we could leave right away. And furthermore, he promised, we could leave at any time, no—absolutely no recriminations. I’d be stretching, and if I went with an open mind, he’d respect that.
In the couple of weeks leading up to our going, we talked openly and honestly about sex. More so than I ever had before with anyone. So in the course of going to an orgy (well, that’s what I thought at the time, and I was sooo wrong) we became closer. More intimate. Who woulda thunk it?
New Year’s Eve came. I wore a corset over a short skirt with heels. Spike wore a suit. We got in the car, and I was so nervous that I didn’t realize we were there until he had the car parked and asked “You ready?”
Oh my God we’re here! I nodded silently. Just before he opened the door to go in, he said to me again, “Anytime you want to leave, it’s fine. If you want to back out right now, that’s fine too, honey.”
He never called me ‘honey’ before… “Let’s go,” I said, staring at his hand on the door.
Oh boy…I was so nervous. Every time someone looked at me and nodded with a smile, I thought to myself “If I smile back, does that mean I’m going to be expected to have sex with them?”
I had a couple of drinks, and was able to relax. Spike and I hit the dance floor. Again and again and again. As the night progressed, the dancing got sexier and sexier. Especially when ladies would dance together!
People were incredibly friendly. One agreement that we made before we went was that we were in no way going to have sex with anyone that night. So, when we met people, at the bar, or on the dance floor, we would just say we were newbies. Here’s the funny thing—everyone responded saying “Baby steps”. Take it slow, don’t rush it, stay in your comfort zone.
Naturally, my next thought was ‘Oh, so you don’t want to have sex with me, hunh?’ Look, I was nervous and pretty scattered.
A Couple’s Club is by far, the safest place for a woman to go. The ‘No Means No’ rule in the lifestyle, combined with ‘Ask Before You Touch’ creates an environment where I could be as sexy and alluring as I wanted. I was in the sexiest outfit I ever dared wear out in public, and I was the safest I’ve ever been in a night club.
Once I calmed down and relaxed… Spike was the beneficiary. Dirty dancing on the dance floor became giving head on the dance floor. The look on his face when I backed him against a wall on the floor and got on my knees as the powerful erotic music played… I’ll never forget it. (Neither will he!) And I wasn’t the only woman being so wanton. In public. That was an added rush. I didn’t realize I was (am?) such an exhibitionist. You wouldn’t know that to meet me in the regular world. By the time the night was over, I was getting lessons on pole dancing from a regular member and when we left, my face hurt from laughing so much.
We’ve been to clubs a few more times, and by far, our favorite is the O Zone. First of all it’s the staff. Secondly, is the size—and yes, size does matter. The décor, cleanliness and music round out what Matt and Amanda put on the table. And last, but the most important, is the membership. They’re wonderful people. Sexy as hell, and just plain fun to be around.
And that’s my story! Thanks so much for hosting me and giving me a chance to show off my latest release, Swinger’s O Zone Bash. I enjoyed writing it as much as I’ve enjoyed going to this club for a night on the town!